Got to get this off my chest..

My sister.. my one and only sister is married to an alcoholic.. a SEVERE, non-functioning, can't hold a job, alcoholic. He even had a kidney removed 2 years ago and was diagnosed with emphysema - has the lungs of an 80 year old (he was told) - and still smokes like a chimney (he's my age, 51).. well they both do (smoke a lot), so neither one can help the other. When he tries to dry out, she drinks in front of him. Their 19 year old son lives at home, no job, won't look for a job, and calls my sister at work (she works with me so I hear this crap) and bitches if she doesn't leave cigarettes for him when she leaves for work. There is also a 12 year old in the family. She's smoking cigarettes too, and skipping school already. I guess I shouldn't be surprised as big brother was and isn't a great role model and her parents suck too.

So all I hear at work is how broke they are. How she can't buy food, how she can't pay the fuel bill, how is she going to get to work - she has no gas for the car, etc etc etc. I won't give them money because I know what they will do with it - booze, cigarettes and probably pot for the father and son team. For quite awhile we've been having my sister come over to our house like once a month and pretty much letting her take whatever she wanted from the freezer, etc. Steaks, chicken, frozen pizzas, cheese, canned goods, toilet paper, paper towels, shampoo, soap, etc.. (we buy in bulk and it only meant we had to go and stock up again...but we were helping - making sure they always had food and paper goods). She was basically doing her groceries here.

Oh.. My sister has been driving with an expired drivers license for over 2 years now (it cost $50 for a 5 year license - "can't afford it"). Has been driving a car with NO insurance on it whatsoever!!! Nope, not even liability ("can't afford it"). She keeps getting a flat on the passenger side, needs a new rim or a good used one ("can't afford it")... and she needs that rim because she drives on it when it goes flat (DUH). Has a problem with the engine in the car .. something about the radiator stuff going into the engine or something.. I don't know as I half listen a lot but.. not getting fixed "can't afford it".

So a week ago Saturday, she asked me to do her taxes. Of course I do (not sure when she can't do them herself as she has a computer, but whatever... I do them every year). On Friday, 2/5, the money was in the bank - $3100. I told her that we would take her to Sams and SHE could do some "bulk" shopping, and reminded her that she could finally get her license and perhaps pay a few weeks rent ahead ($200/week) - fix the car and save a little bit for later.

Well so far, she has the cable bill caught up - not sure how much she owed them but I know she's been making weekly payments (must have HBO and Cinemax and Showtime -- ALL the pay channels which is approximately $200 a month to have), spent about $300 on groceries (not bulk - but bagel bites and hot pockets.. all the quick frozen food type things). Bought the son a couple of pet FROGS..yes, FROGS (because he wanted them) and tonight, she is buying a brand new computer!!!! That $3K will be gone by the weekend (if not sooner) and it will be back to listening to how broke they are... GOD HELP ME PLEASE. I could scream right about now..

So not renewing her license, not fixing the car, not getting insurance, not getting ahead on rent, not doing the bulk groceries .. just staying in the same friggin' hole BUT with frozen junk food and a new computer and some dumbass frogs, cigarettes, booze and pot.

And she wonders why I don't "feel bad" .. ???????????????????

A New Year

Here we go again... and as Oprah Winfrey said.. "Cheers to the New Year and another chance for us to get it right."

I did what I intended and started mine out right. Started saying NO to my kids. Finally! I don't know how I let things get so out of hand, other than I love my kids, but I'm not helping them. It started with my oldest, she's 29.. We eat out once a week, and even if she's here with her boyfriend, we ask what they want and we pay for it all. They don't even offer to chip in. Well, a week ago yesterday, me and the bf were ordering at Cactus Jacks.. asked the daughter and her bf if they wanted anything (of course they did) - then told them, that we're not paying for them.. Daughter was a bit taken aback, but they paid and against their will, went to pick it up. I was proud of myself :) Sounds stupid and simple perhaps to you, but it's not to me (or her).

Daughter #2 (will be 27 in February), has a problem with her car. Needs a new catalytic converter as it won't pass inspection in February due to emissions. So rather than fix the car (no doubt it won't be cheap), she opted to go car shopping. Asked if I would co-sign (yet again) - and I would, if the deal was right. She called, all excited, found a car, 2008, with 45,000 miles, a measly 60 day warranty and the payment was the same as she has now... which she admitted, she could not really afford. Told her no, I won't sign on that. The payment is the same (can't afford it), the miles are high for a 2008 (she puts lots of miles on her vehicles) and a 60 DAY warranty?? No way in hell was a signing for that. So she's mad at me.. oh well! I'm not mad at me :)

So... I'm happy for me :)

Next will be charging the 29 year old some rent. I have an electricity bill of $190 a month now (yes it went down since the 27 year old and my grandson moved) - but it's still high! I'm not going to ask for a lot - perhaps $100 a month. Just to cover some of the electricity bill. She'll be pissed off, but you know what? If she is.. she can get her own place and see how much she gets for $100 a month. Perhaps an empty refrigerator box under the Notre Dame bridge with the other homeless people. And she has a dog (good luck finding an apartment).

So, so far.. I'm doing what I know is right (finally) - and not letting them walk all over me. Between supporting the kids and my grandson, and the home repairs that have happened recently (new roof.. ugghh.. $4200) -- I'm officially broke!! AND it sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm getting too old to be broke! My nest egg is gone.. I can only imagine what's going to happen when I'm really old.. I'll be kicked to the curb probably. Oh well!!!! Hopefully it's near one of those steam vents to keep me warm! ROFL!

Now I know the answer..

When we used to go up and visit my parents with my oldest (who was just a baby at the time), I wondered when we left..why is my mother crying? My dad died while I was pregnant for my second daughter so they never got to meet unfortunately.. We would go up for a weekend with both little ones, my mother always cried when we left. My mom would take the girls for 1 week each summer (as much as she could handle with 2 little ones) .. we would come pick them up.... she cried when we left. I would go up and bring my mom down to our house for a week (or however long she wanted to stay) - then drive her back home when she was ready - she cried when we left.

My grandson lives 2 hours away now.. I cry when he leaves..

Now I understand...

Not so many tater tots anymore...

This was supposed to get easier once they moved away.. it sucks. Had the little guy for 4 days over Labor Day and it was awesome! I'll never NOT say that he doesn't wear me out, but it's a good feeling of being worn out. We talk on the phone a lot and he always tells me that he misses me and loves me ... I send him a weekly *package* (he loves getting mail).. This weeks package was the pair of crocs that he left here and a couple of videos I had for him. Nothing big.. but getting mail is COOL! lol :) Makes him happy and makes me happy knowing that he is happy.

He started Kindergarten... full day. His mom drops him off in the morning at 7am.. before school daycare.. and then he takes the bus home. The freakin' bus! He's little to take the bus, but he told me all about it... and about what a big boy he is now.. and how the bus driver drops him off at the right spot everyday... where his mom is waiting for him... :) And he's having fun in school.. I asked what he does in school.. He replied "oh you know, learn more numbers and letters and reading - just stuff like that".. :)

I got a 2 phone video's from his mom last week... He was cruising on his Razor (I bought him for his birthday) - balancing perfectly and going fast!!! AND - starting riding his bike without training wheels! She didn't finish the video as he went helmet and torso into a tree (LOL) and came out saying.. "it happens" and starting riding again. I'm so glad he knows that he needs the helmet!!! :)

Today I got mobile pics of them at the bird place (audobon society) in Portland.. looking for milkweed .. Not sure what they are doing with the milkweed, but I remember when my girls were little, they made Xmas decorations with milkweed... Guess we'll find out soon enough :)

Soooo.. I guess this tells you how I am.. and how things are.. I have more.. Maybe tomorrow :)

Oh what a feeling!!!!

My daughter and grandson came down Tuesday!!! I came in the house and the little guy just about knocked me over! I got the biggest hug and a sincere "I miss you so much Grammy!" .. Brought tears to my eyes (and it's doing it again just writing about it!) ..

Daughter went out with friends to the Casino Ballroom at Hampton Beach Tuesday night, so we had the boy to ourselves! He was sooooo excited! (as were we!) Went in the pool and played with the remote control boats. Ordered pizza .. just had a blast! Unfortunately I had to work the next morning, but my daughter decided to stay another night (last night)... wooohooooooooooo!!! I was thrilled! We had a nice dinner and then did the pool thing all over again - the little guy and I crashed around 9 (watching TV in the BIG bed)..

They did have to leave today, but came by my office to say cya.. I wasn't in my office when they got there, but when I walked in, he hollered "Grammy!" and jumped in my arms and just hugged me sooooo tight! My daughter and I chatted for a bit and off they went (but will be back in a couple weeks.. can't wait! :)

When they walked out to her car I was holding the door and he turned around and came back.. and hugged me, gave me a big smooch and said he missed me already ... what a feeling ..

Getting the "Hotel" back in order..

I finally have my office again... got everything moved in here yesterday and Comcast came today (yes Sunday) to get the broadband up and running again in here. Not sure why the other guy made it inactive when the new connection was put in the kitchen back when, and don't really care as this didn't cost me anything... whew (he was here for over an hour)..

My kitchen is becoming a kitchen again. Got the new table in there yesterday and this afternoon we have a roman shade to hang (should be fun considering the BF doesn't know jack about doing anything in the house... like hanging a 71" wide roman shade! lol). The living room set was delivered last week so that room is all set. The oldest daughter finished cleaning out what was her sisters "nest" (what a mess!!!) ... boxed up what was left, shampooed the carpet and painted the walls and made herself a nice little living room up there. Will make a decent guest room for anyone that wanders in and needs a place to stay for a night or two (on a futon).

The grocery bill is WAY down.. from $200+ per week to about $85-$110. Anxious to see the light bill and the water bill.

BUT.. I haven't seen my grandson since they left... and I miss him sooooo much! I worry about him (no need to, he has a great mom) .. can't help it. He calls me almost everyday though.. sometimes he just rambles on and on and other times it's a quick I love you.. She's got him registered to start school (kindergarten) ... I'm sad that I won't see him go to school on his first day.. But that's moms job, right??

The "cement pond" (as I call it) has finally started to warm up. What a miserable summer we're having... rain rain and more rain. We have a few hot, humid days (which helps warm the pool), then it rains again (and again and again) - causing algae in the pool. We probably shouldn't even have opened it this year, but with such a short summer season up here, one can only hope for the best I guess. Hopefully August and September will be nice so it gets some use.. but here it is, August 2nd - and its raining! Cabin fever in winter from all the snow and now again, from all the rain... Depressing to say the least!

Oh.. my grandson got his case of brown beans!! His first comment to his mom was... who sends beans?? LOL Then his mom read the card that came with them and he called me immediately, laughing and thanking me and telling me that's what he was having for dinner.. :)

Still too damn quiet..... :(

Empty Nest

Well they're gone.. youngest daughter and grandson that is. Moved on Thursday - about 2 hours away from here (Maine). I've talked to them most everyday since then (2 days now! lol) and they are settling in nicely. I don't think it's hit me that I'm not going to see that little guy everyday anymore yet - it's like they're just away for the weekend. Even though all the their furniture (and our furniture) is gone, there are still the many backyard toys that they can't bring with them (as they are in an apartment complex - which makes me happy) so I see his basketball hoop in the backyard and his sand table, Tonka trucks, bumper pool boat, etc.

It's horribly quiet here..

My grandson always loves seeing the UPS or Fedex guy come as that means a package that MIGHT be for him, might not - doesn't matter - he thinks it's cool that his Grammy just goes on the computer and then things come here. So, since he LOVES Bush's brown beans so much (one of his favorite foods - brown beans! lol) - I ordered a case of the microwavable bowls of Bush Beans and they are addressed to him. I enclosed a gift card.. lol He'll be happy he got a package just for him and he'll love what's in the box!! :) If I could send tater tots, I would - but can't due to the fact that they are frozen (obviously another favorite of his). I'll just bring him a big bag when I go visit him :)

I think once we get our house back in order I'll be good with all this. It's time for my daughter and her BF and her son to move on - start their new life.... and we need to get ours back.

It's just too damn quiet right now.... :(