Still alive... for now

I owe myself time to "blog" and I will.. soon!

The economic situation just took a bite out of the "Hotel"

It was announced to all of us on Tuesday, that everyone, from the owner to the guys/gals that sweep the floors takes a 10% pay cut. I keep thinking... hmm.. when the pay cuts start, that usually means the beginning of the end... Fortunately I've been with this company for 15 years and I don't believe that will happen. They (owners) take pride in this being a family owned company and have been around since 1968 and I don't believe that they would let it shut down, even in the midst of this recession/depression (call it what you want). This is the first "drastic" move taken EVER in their history and it was tough for the big man to announce it - but he is very very grateful that his employees took it the way they (we) did - we understand and are all happy to have a job and will deal with the pay cut as best we can. We'd rather lose some than have none! But I know in the back of all our minds (about 700 or so of us) we still "wonder" .. and in this economy I'm sure you all know what I mean.

Anyway.. I froze my 401K - Heck that will give me back almost 1/2 of what I'm losing each week (and will save the company as they won't have to contribute their 50% of my contribution) -- plus it will stay safe. I haven't lost that much but I would rather not lose anything, so that puppy is being put on hold until further notice.

It's my chance to turn in my SUV early right now (Chevy's "pull-ahead" deal for leases) and I'm not sure what to do. I can wait as I don't have to turn it in.. it's just an incentive.. but I have a $400/month lease payment and I ALWAYS upgrade to a bigger/better vehicle and I can't afford that now. Well, I could but I still have that fear of the company closing (in the back of my mind) -- so then I wouldn't be able to afford a box to drive! So do I get rid of my SUV and get a stupid car that I don't like for a couple hundred bucks a months to save money?? Or wait it out.. Been tossing this one around for a couple days - looking at cars on dealer websites/official websites, etc.. I lease because I can't stand being in the same vehicle for long.. what to do....................

Deep breath!

Well I had the weekend off. Daughter and grandson went to Maine for the weekend and my oldest was working and at her boyfriends... I truly did need this break!! Me and the old man cleaned the house and that left me to do what I wanted and him to relax and take control back of his TV and recliner! hahah

I played HL2DM and Left 4 Dead with my friends - we ordered dinner out last night - I slept late yesterday morning (10am!! that's soooo late for me!) and 8am this morning (still very late for me!) - but obviously, I am tired and my body/brain took advantage of the silence..

I most certainly know that I am not "cured" of my problem here, but I certainly feel better today after the sleep and doing what I want and the QUIET!! Happy to see my house in ship-shape status but I know when they all come home tonite that will be gone.. I need to stop thinking ahead and just enjoy the time I have left this weekend... Me and the old man are going to cook some steaks on the grill for dinner (it's 50 degrees here today!!) and then go and hide before the crew gets home..

Another deep breath... exhale ... better.. (for now)

Burn down the Hotel Morel?

I don't think I've been this miserable in a long long long time.. Everybody wants wants wants, but no one wants to give... I'm at my wits end.. they "need" - I am supposed to fill those needs, and like the dumbass that I am, I have been .. (and they know it) I ask a question... I get my head bit off.. I'm exhausted.. not sleeping good, feeling sick.. can't hear out of my left ear at this point.. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I might just burn down this house and wish them all luck finding a home... I'll live in a fucking box.. I don't care anymore..

Whew...

I think I'm stressing out... or something.. ugghhh

Where has the time gone... ???

I promised myself to write everyday, but I didn't - Oh well, thank goodness the promise was only to me!!

I'm still running "Grammy's Daycare (Nightcare)" 4 nights a week taking care of my grandson for my daughter... Monday - Thursday. I did get spoiled over the Christmas break as she had 2 weeks off.. I was in heaven! I could go to bed when I wanted to, play games if I wanted to, etc. Now it's back to the old "routine".. Come on MAY!!!! She'll be done college (at night) and I'll be FREEEEEEEEEEE!! hahahah

Obviously both daughters (and grandson) are still living here, but again, both have hit it off with new men in their lives so I'm hoping (that's all I can do) is that they will continue to get along and be happy and move out! I will certainly miss them when they do go (if they do go I should say), and it will kill me to not see my grandson everyday, but it's time... it will be best for all us! I would like to get back to my life and they need to start theirs.. Back when I was young (which included my siblings, and friends) - once you left home, you didn't go back - you had to prove you could handle it.. take care of yourself no matter what. .. and we DID! Went home to visit, that was it.. As we know, kids nowadays have it too easy (as noted in an earlier post) - but we let them - our bad! And I don't mean that ALL of us give it to them easy... but certainly many us do (ME)...

I went for my yearly checkup... all is well except for my left leg. I had a blood clot in the femoral artery in October 2006 - 20 inches long - and they were only able to remove 50% of it so I still suffer from lots of swelling in the calf and foot - so bad that I can't even buy a pair of boots... can't get them on over the ankle swelling.. Regardless, it's been a miserable winter so far as I can't go out and do things I normally would with a pair of sneakers (slip on Skechers for that matter) because that's all I can get on my foot (and without socks - as I can't get that left sneaker on if I have a sock on!) BRRRRRRR!

Also asked my doctor why my calf/shin area was discolouring - reddish/brown (like I have a lot of freckles on my lower leg all of a sudden)- it's due to the blood sitting down in that area too long and iron buildup - he explained that it's like "rusting" ----- sheesh... talk about making me feel OLD!!! I'm rusting!!??????? Damn, I'm not ready to rust!!! Get the damn oil can out Dorothy!

So I continue to limp along.. Already informed the boss that I will be working from home tomorrow as we have another big storm coming that is going to start in the wee hours of the morning (when I'm heading for work) and I'm not going out in that snow with my sneakers (mules -whatever slip-on sneakers are called) ... He understands as he blessed me with his annual presence for 10 minutes today and I actually got to show him the "problem leg". So now he knows what I'm dealing with as he has seen it.. Which I think is a good thing!

Guess that's about it for now.. Grandson is done playing with Play-Doh so it's time to clean up the mess with him, so he can watch a couple episodes of Curious George on PBS, make some dinner, get him in the shower ---- etc etc.. Expecting 8-14" of snow so it will be a busy day around here tomorrow (for some people!)..

A New Year and my life back?

I always wonder what will happen -- what will change (if anything) -- what's going to happen in the world, etc. But one can only wait and see!!! You can listen to predictions, etc, BUT, you need to see what comes of them...

Two things going on in my life that I THINK I can predict. 2 daughters - 25 and 28 years old. They have both hooked up with new men.. nice men - normal men (whatever normal is)... but definitely different men than from their pasts. I'm pretty excited for them, as I think they are excited for themselves (and each other - sisters). I'm thinking that by summer ... they will both be living with their new guys (if not married).. either way, doesn't matter to me - Just want them happy! AND want them to be out on their own (they both have left and come home too many times - it's time to fly the coop damn it! lol)

Me and the old man have put our lives on hold for a few years now .... the pressure is there and it's time for the girls to move on.. We've done what we could for them .. as in: co-signing for loans, helping them make payments on loans (school loans) - as they get paid every other week instead of weekly and the payment hits on an "off" week .. letting them live here for FREE!.. Yes... for FREE. But have they saved any money??? Hell no.. not a nickel... This year will be time for us to get tough with them.. (as hard as it's going to be to do that cuz I'm a sap when it comes to my kids). They will either have to start paying room and board or move out... plain and simple.

We had an electricity bill in the latter part of summer that was over $400!! FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS!! That is INSANE!!!! Even with the swimming pool and central AC.. INSANE! Spoke to the girls about 30 minute showers.. limit is now 10 mins etc etc.. bill was HALF the next month and continued to go down. 30 minute showers are NOT happening here anymore!!!! You want a 30 minute shower... ??? Go to the Y! lol When it was just the 2 of us here, an $80 light bill was high.. in summer, with pool going and A/C, etc.. ..

Don't get me wrong.. we love the girls and my grandson.. They are part of our world, but it's time for them to start their own worlds... and I guess we'll see what happens over the next few months.

I sure do want my life back though!!! I'm 50 years old and shouldn't be taking care of my kids!!!! But I will say, that when they do go... It's going to leave a big empty hole in my heart....